Real Feelings

My kids only seem to cry for one of the following three reasons: (1) they are upset that they can't have what they want; (2) they are upset at being made to do something they don't want to do; or (3) they are - or think they are - physically hurt. Granted, #3 is legitimate, if it's a real injury, but the rest is just whining, as far as I am concerned. However, last night Peter added a fourth category to the list ... (4) when his feelings are hurt ... can you believe it? It seems like a breakthrough! Instead of whining, tears for a real purpose!

I needed to use Michael's room as a guest room for the night, so I asked him if he wanted to sleep in Peter's room or Emily's room. He chose the latter. I thought Peter might be a little upset about sleeping alone, so I let him have some extra toys at bedtime. All went well until about a 1/2 hour after I put the kids to bed. I heard Peter crying hysterically. I went to his room and asked him what was wrong and, through sobbing tears, he very coherently said, "I can hear Michael and Emily talking ... I have no one to talk to in my room ... I want to have a sleepover too!" That may sound like #1 whining to you, but I could see by his face that he was just devastated that Michael had chosen to spend the night with Emily and that they were having fun in there without him. I thought my heart was going to break into a million pieces. My poor, sweet Peter was actually crying over something real ... hurt feelings.

I suppose I should be glad for the breakthrough, but all I can think about is how there will probably be so many more times when I am going to have to try to explain why life isn't always fair and why people aren't always nice. How my heart is going to ache for each of them every time they don't make the team, don't get invited to the party or lose a best friend ... how will I make it all better for them? I hope I'll be able to do it without coming unglued myself!

So, I think a note to my Mom & Dad is in order here. M&D: I have no idea how you did it! You'll have to tell me someday. You were supportive without giving me false hopes. Felt "wronged" right there with me when someone wasn't nice or when I wasn't chosen for the team (both of which seemed to happen more often than not!). And, overall, continuously gave me the feeling that you were really proud of me ... well, except for when I pierced my left ear five times. Thank you, thank you , thank you! I hope I'll be able to follow in your footsteps!